I hope when you die you get to see your stats like how many times you laughed or told a lie or kissed or how many people loved you and how many people hated you and what you meant to people
perfectioninimperfection: I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly, like a fucking lady.
fatwink: sext me in mla format
A QUICK LESSON ON CROPS AND WHIPS FROM YOUR...
satan-doge: iwillincendiotheheartoutofyou: THIS IS A CROP IT DOES NOT MAKE THE ‘WHH-CH’ WHIP NOISE IT CAN LEAVE BRUISING BUT WILL NOT CUT YOUR SKIN THIS IS A WHIP IT DOES MAKE THE ‘WHH-CH’ WHIP NOISE IT PROBABLY WON’T LEAVE BRUISING BUT CAN CUT YOUR SKIN NOW GO FORTH AND WRITE ACCURATE PORN I JUST SPAT CRANBERRY JUICE ALL OVER MY HOMEWORK AND DESK BECUASE OF THE END OF THAT.
i-remember-there-was-mist: I’m just going to say. If you had a masked murderer in your midst. Dropping chandeliers, hanging stagehands, stealing sopranos. Throwing a masked ball is a pretty gutsy move.
pancreaspains: alma-rohi: So my friend has diabetes so she has super cold hands and i have ovarian cancer so i have a permanent fever and sometimes at parties she puts her hands on my face to cool me down and why have we just discovered that we have complimentary diseases this is the most wonderful thing ever. <3
captainpap: Do you ever make a text post and then suddenly your dash goes completely dead and your text post just sits at the top for a solid 5 minutes, like everyone just stopped blogging to look at your incredibly dumb text post in absolute disbelief.
duskyducks: avatar-addiction: keasttheleast: when you unzip a guys pants while he has a boner does it pop up immediately like a wack-a-mole or does it slowly rise like dracula from his coffin neither. the penis does not exist until you summon it through a series of mystic chants and riverdancing i worry about the people on here sometimes
writersprocrastinate: Hi, I’m a writer. My hobbies include not writing.
thelightwoodinstitute: have you ever discovered a book so good that you’re convinced nobody’s life will be complete until they read it but you also don’t want anyone else to discover it because it’s yours
loriarty: wreck-it-rogers: The fact that Robert Downey Jr. is threatening to leave Marvel unless Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett basically all his Marvel buddies get a pay raise really shows you that he is a great man, a human being, and never thinks of himself above others even if he jokes that he is above everyone else all the time. Not only that, but he’s also trying to negotiate...
vriska: hey, just a reminder that holding suicide over someone’s head is emotional abuse. if you have someone who tells you that they’ll kill themselves if you leave them, if you stop talking to them, if you do something they do not want you to do, that is abuse- and you have every right to get out of that situation.
carry-on-my-wayward-butt: charlesdutton: my mom’s boyfriend is this 6’2 super buff macho dude with many facial piercings who enjoys death metal and i just came downstairs and found him crying because they had to put down a dog on animal cops i like him keep him
tea-and-tumblr: deathbycas: oncomingbeth: mrthorinton: youmeatpurgatory: improbablenormality: 1chainz: boomitsnialler: take a deep breath and repeat after me: i am not a letter grade i am not a gpa i am not a statistic i am not just a student i am good at something i am more than what an institution tells me i am i am legend i am iron man i am the monster parents tell...
THE BROTH OF SATAN
(I am working a morning shift at a cafe. We are serving breakfast. A little boy and his mother enter the cafe.)
Me: “So, what will it be?”
Child: “I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN.”
(There is a sudden silence and everyone turns to look. The mother looks very embarrassed.)
Mother: “Eggs… he would like some eggs…”
Due to recent events, I would like to ask a personal favor of my friends and family. Even if you only have a dollar, even a penny to spare, I would like you to donate it to a charity. Parkinson’s research, for my recently deceased friend. Kidney disease research, for my grandma. Dementia research, for way too many people. Diabetes research for myself. And possibly the most important to me,...
Life kinda sucks right now
R.I.P. to my very good friend, Charles. Chuck, we’ll miss you, but we are also very glad you are not in any more pain. Now you can walk and talk and you can eat whatever you want. You were a man to live by. You raged against the dying of the light and you did not go gentle in to that good night… and I will forever admire the immeasurable strength you showed in your final days. ...
furry-timelord-socks: feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelix: deviouslyratedm: omgmyfeels: whitthequeerdemonhunter: but seriously though, if you made it past this point on doctor who congrats BUT AS SOON AS ROSE GOT BACK INTO THE CAR HOW DID SHE NOT REALISE THAT HE LOOKS LIKE A OVERSIZED BLACK KEN DOLL Nobody notices Ricky much. whos ricky It’s Mickey
savedmyselffromthedragon: “I raped that test in math cla–” No. “I raped that game earli–” Stop. “The other team totally raped us tod–” Shut the fuck up. Do you see what you’re doing? YOU ARE MAKING RAPE SOUND LIKE A POSITIVE ACTION. YOU ARE EQUATING SEXUAL VIOLENCE WITH ACHIEVEMENTS. STOP.
katastroffysik: why are “nice guys” so angry about friendzoning, they of all people should know that friendship is magic
They should design a website
serrabloodsong: thatcrazywhoviangirl: angelintheasylum: thesixofspades: that’s just a static-y image of a Weeping Angel. However, it secretly opens up your webcam and tracks your face, so anytime you blink the Angel gets closer. And then if you have a house where your lights are controlled by your wifi, the website hacks into that to turn off all of your lights, one by one. Just imagine...
I love my job
It isn’t easy, but working for Vector/CutCo is great so far. If you think it is a scam, you need to get out more. It isn’t for lazy people. My office is great and everyone is supportive. I am not doing well in sales yet and they are working with me to make it better. I SELL KNIVES HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT?
jennnalouisecoleman: allmymetaphors: when van gogh was out painting in a field some kids shot him by mistake while they were playing with their dad’s shotgun but he told everyone he shot himself so they wouldn’t get in trouble and then he DIED and for a long time everyone thought it was suicide but it wasn’t a suicide he was just trying to help the kids that’s the saddest thing in the world im...